Flight Club Critique the Esteemed Squidward Tentacles [Guest Blog]

Flight Club are a slick pop-punk quartet from Richmond, Virginia who continues to refine their sound and move into a realm of alt-rock with hooky punk roots and catchy, uplifting vocal work. Building off of 2019’s Recreational Love EP, the boys released their latest single, “Adolescence,” on September 18th via Open Your Ears Records, which pushes the band’s limits into broad, genre neutral territory. Another feather in the group’s figurative cap, Flight Club is riding the wave of their new rockin’ vibes – accompanied by the excellent video below – with skill and mature calm.

But this isn’t the time to dwell on the music. Flight Club has another talent that far too few people know about: the timeless expertise of art critic. In this charmingly irreverent Guest Blog, Charlie, Alex, Sam, and Harry join us to critique one of the most forward-thinking, experimental artists of the modern age. Yes, I am of course referring to the inspirational and esteemed artist Squidward Tentacles. He’s not just the grumpy sourpuss from Spongebob Squarepants, and Flight Club is here to prove it.

A Critique of Squidward Tentacles’ Various Art Projects by Flight Club:

Interpretive Dance – 11/10 (Charlie)

“We’ve known Squidward to be a musician and a painter, but when he took the stage in that leotard and began to move his body, he gave an experience that was truly evangelical. Gracing the audience with a soft beginning, he brought a sense of nature and fragility. The viewers were brought peacefully into a delicate aura paired with nature scenes and birds chirping. Once he had them feeling comfortable, he dropped the lights and he brought that hammer down. Fat bass that could be felt in the chests of even the sturdiest of fish ripped through the water as he began to move his body in ways unimaginable to any ordinary mollusc. Some say the dance was unrehearsed and he let the music speak to him, and, boy, oh boy, did he speak back. Like an acid trip gone right, this performance was truly an out of body experience.”

Scuplting – 9/10 (Alex)

“Squidward once again steps out of his usual comfort zone and takes to sculpting. In this endeavor, he not only aims to create his own masterpiece but to teach Spongebob how to make one of his own. In his initial example, he makes what would appear to most as just a pile of dust, but if you know Squidward and his abilities, it is clear that he was just aiming to not intimidate his student too early. Later into the lesson, he shows Spongebob some of his unique and unmatched techniques, including roundhouse kicking, biting, and even riding the sculpting block itself. Finally, he concludes the lesson by showing that for it to be a true piece of art it must include his signature nose. For all of this, we look not only into his tangible art but his ability to bestow the knowledge and talent he has onto another.”

Painting – 4/10 (Sam)

“While Squidward has built himself quite a portfolio, you can tell from his paintings that ‘artist’ is not the correct term for his profession. His self-portraits look like a child’s drawing of a father who abandoned the family. A lack of detail to specific features and a basic color palette make his painting the underwhelming product I see before me.”

Culinary Arts 7.4/10 (Harry)

“The culinary arts is also a field where Squidward tried to keep a tentacle in the door. After running into his arch-rival, Squillium Fancypants, Squidward feels threatened about his current status as a cashier at a burger joint. Under the pressure of his peers laughing at his career, Squidward states that he actually runs a 5-star restaurant. Squillium calls his bluff and is excited to bring his crew to see if Squidward’s restaurant lives up to the hype.”

“With only Spongebob, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs on his last-minute staff, Squidward quickly turns the Krusty Krab into a fine dining eating establishment. After a successful delusion, Squidward impresses his enemy and inevitability gloats about his success story. However, the whole illusion is quickly brought back to baseline when Spongebob gets recognition for his outstanding service. Spongebob emptied his mind through Squidward’s advice, and now actually doesn’t remember his name. He goes insane and ultimately ruins the dining experience for everyone. Even though Squidward had no experience in running a fine dining establishment, I envy his charisma to make it happen and prove to himself that he is not meant to just be a cashier. He may be a fraud, but his efforts show that he can actually create a 5-star restaurant within a day.”

https://youtu.be/Yik4L4ahUWM

Artwork for “Adolescence” by Flight Club