British hard-hitting rockers, Molly Karloff, are set to unleash their debut album, Breaking Out, this Summer. To celebrate the news, the band released the first single “You Don’t Know My Name” and, judging by some of the answers and photos they provided us with in the latest of our 190 Proof feature, there was probably plenty of partying to be done as well. Find more info about the band on their official website.
First things first: Beer, wine, or liquor?
Molly Karloff: “All three! Variety is the spice of life, my friend! Why the fuck would you stick to one?”
What was the first drink you ever had, and how old were you?
“I was too drunk to remember. I did have an underage thing for Newcastle Brown Ale which even the smell of makes me heave now. I was young, I didn’t know any better, I would drink any old shit. What can I say?”
What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever done under the influence?
“Depends what I was under the influence of? I did spend an evening ‘under the influence’ chatting away to a garden gnome in someone’s bathroom. That same evening, we also played the ‘smiling game’ as we called it, where everyone lined up in front of this massive mirror and just grinned. The grins got wider and wider because, well, you know, we were ‘under the influence’. It was like the smiles in the music video for “Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden. We thought it was funny at the time!”
What are you most excited about in the world of alcohol?
“Glasses! We don’t have to drink from bottles anymore! Someone should’ve thought of this before. It just seems so obvious when you see it, but what a genius move! I guess, when you’re shit faced so much of the time, it’s difficult to invent things like glasses, but now they’re here you can’t imagine how you did without them!
“Hats off to the that man, Jimmy Two-sticks who invented them way back in 2020! Look how civilised we all are now!”
Who’s your ideal drinking partner?
“Jowie! What many people don’t know about Jowie is that he’s a hypnotherapist. This means he gets us into establishments without ID and other such requirements that mortals without would be turned away for. He claims he’s just polite to the security staff, but I know better.
“He’s there doing his thing: ‘Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don’t look around my eyes, look into my eyes, 3, 2, 1, you’re under’.
“The he tells them what he wants, gets us in, and then tells us he was just polite. Those free drinks aren’t politeness Jowie! I’m going to call him Jowie Craig after his namesake Kennie!”
“Here’s a picture of me and Jowie after we’d successfully sneaked into a gig before being discovered and booted out, but not before consuming much free alcohol that was on offer. As you can see, we were very pleased with ourselves.
What do you think more people should be talking about when it comes to alcohol?
“I think they need to be warned about coming into contact with Caz Parker. Known for her many appearances on radio stations such as MMH, and compering a number of live events, she’s ubiquitous at many festivals and gigs, yet people are dangerously unaware of her instigation antics.
“I speak from first-hand experience, where an encounter at the bar of Hard Rock Hell Spring Break earlier this year resulted in us all being lured back to her lair and plied with unspeakable liquids in tiny plastic receptacles until the power of coherent speech departed our poor broken bodies, along with vision.
“Sam, being the lightweight of the band, had passed out not soon after our arrival in Caz’s lair, and so could not be subjected to much of what followed. However, we did manage to acquire photographic evidence, sourced from Caz’s own ‘trophy cabinet’ of alcoholic conquests that she apparently purrs over during the week, as she awaits the arrival of weekends to acquire more ‘trophies’.
“I hope that our experience can serve as a warning to other band members who may be ignorant to the dangers. It’s too late for us, but others can be saved!”
“To serve as a warning to others, we even made a t-shirt, which our therapist said would allow us to exorcise the trauma…
What do you think about kids soaking tampons in alcohol then inserting them up their asses to get drunk?
“It sounds fucking retarded and like an excuse just to insert tampons up their butts! I imagine it came about like this:
Curious Kid: ‘Hey, what’s that up your butt?’
Tampon Butt: ‘Oh, nothing, just a tampon’
Curious Kid: ‘But why? Are you leaking?’
Tampon Butt: [Embarrassed by the situation] ‘Er…’
Curious Kid: ‘What the fuck dude?’
Tampon Butt: ‘I’ve soaked it in alcohol to get drunk!’
Curious Kid: ‘What’s wrong with your fucking mouth and drinking it?’
Tampon Butt: ‘Well, now I can get drunk while fellating!’
Curious Kid: ‘But who needs to do that?!’
Tampon Butt: ‘Mwb Wb Waaab Bmwaa’
Curious Kid: ‘Don’t talk with your mouth full’
“And that’s how it happened. Flat fact!”
Marry, Fuck, Kill: Your choices are Captain Morgan, Admiral Nelson, Sailor Jerry
“Kill ‘em all! That’s what Metallica did, so if it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for us! Anyway, it’s supposed to be Molly, Fuck, Karloff… Duh!”
What’s the one thing you’ve done while drunk that would disappoint your mother?
“Everything I’ve done both sober and drunk has disappointed my mother! Haha! I once climbed a monument where I live, while shit faced. There’s a nursery rhyme about it; ride a cock horse to Banbury cross? Anyway, this monument is Banbury Cross (google it), and it was New Year’s Eve.
“Cut a long story short, and the details of how the fuck a drunk kid manages to climb a 15m tall, 150+ year old, stone monument, I got arrested. I was charged with a bunch of shit I can’t remember but let out in the morning with a cup of tea and a warning. I thought I’d kept that quiet until a picture of me up the monument appears on the front page of the local paper. I tried to deny it because my back was to the camera, but I was rumbled. Let’s just say, there was a bit more than just disappointment from my mother!”
Ever puked on a fan?
“No, but a fan did puke right in front of the stage once. It ruined the moshpit, and then we got to watch bar staff cleaning up the puke while the culprit carried on moshing! He was just like bleurgh, carry on!”
Who is the absolute shittiest drunk in the band?
“Sam, without a doubt. He just falls asleep and nobody can wake him. We just leave him and run away!”
If you want to find out more about Molly Karloff and their drinking antics, we’re sure they’d love to tell you about them via their official website.