Michelle W. Lentz Discusses Her Book ‘Hey Beginner Wife: Practical Tips and Heartfelt Advice to Help You Have a Happy Marriage’

The American Psychological Association states that 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. While the divorce rate in second marriages is more than 60 percent. In other words, your odds of succeeding in marriage are not stellar.

Even more importantly, “not divorced” is nowhere near the same as “happily married.” So, how does a person achieve a happy marriage?

Enter Michelle W. Lentz, whose recently released book, Hey Beginner Wife: Practical Tips and Heartfelt Advice to Help You Have a Happy Marriage, provides a road map on how to navigate the shoals and eddies of marriage.

Based on her own happy marriage of almost 40 years, Lentz shares the mistakes she made and how establishing a shared set of core values with her husband allowed her to balance the roles of wife and mother, along with loving her husband and enjoying marriage.

We spoke with Michelle W. Lentz to explore the writing of Hey Beginner Wife, including finding time to write and the creative process.

Where did you get the term “Beginner Wife?”

Michelle W. Lentz: “In the midst of encouraging a new bride, I blurted out, ‘You need to show yourself more grace. You’re a beginner wife, and your husband is a beginner husband. You guys are just figuring it out. You’ll get there!’ The phrase just came naturally and made so much sense.

“It was evident that she was struggling simply because she was still learning how to be a wife, how to live in close quarters with someone else, and how to recover when things went south. Learning how to be married is A LOT, and young couples need to cut themselves some slack and adopt the mindset of beginners who are on their way toward something great.”

What inspired your new book, Hey Beginner Wife: Practical Tips and Heartfelt Advice to Help You Have a Happy Marriage?

“My husband and I raised six children, and once they moved out of the house, they discovered that co-workers and new friends were fascinated by the fact that their parents were still married after almost 40 years. Sharing our experience was actually my kids’ idea. They came to me and said, ‘Mom, if you wrote down your advice, there are so many people who would like to read it!’

“So, I created my @heybeginnerwife Instagram account and posted daily bits of marriage wisdom. It soon became apparent that young women, especially, really wanted to hear more.”

How do you find time to write?

“Since I have a full-time job, I wrote the book on the weekends, typically getting started first thing on Saturday mornings since I’m a morning person.”

Michelle W. Lentz ‘Hey Beginner Wife’ book cover

How did you know what to write? Did you work from a detailed outline, or did you just have a general framework in mind, and go from there?

“Getting started was the most challenging part of writing a book. I first identified my target audience as women ages 25 to 40 who desired to be successful in marriage. Then, I wrote down the concepts I felt most contributed to the success of my happy marriage. Each of these concepts became a chapter. Once I had identified each chapter, I brainstormed my own personal experiences that could serve as object lessons to illustrate each characteristic.

“It was important to me to share a behind-the-scenes look at marriage. I wanted to share my mistakes and vulnerable confessions. Readers don’t want the rosy picture; they want to hear that it’s possible to walk through challenges and disagreements and still make a marriage work. Because I have quite a few followers on Instagram who read my material and personally reach out to me for advice, I wanted to write a book that would make them feel that they were connecting with me one-on-one. This was my inspiration. I wrote what I would share with a younger woman if she was in my home sitting on my couch, just the two of us.”

From start to finish, how long did it take to complete Hey Beginner Wife?

“It took me 15 months of weekends to write the book, and then another four months of working with editors to make necessary revisions.”

What was the most difficult part of writing Hey Beginner Wife?

“I set out to write a book that would be accessible to anyone, regardless of how or where they were raised, or what their values were. Many of my convictions first find their origin in my personal faith and from there are expressed in how I treat others. But I didn’t want the focus of the book to be on my faith. I wanted the focus to be on the necessary tools to enjoy a happy marriage. There were several sections I had to write and rewrite in an effort to best communicate this, and in the end, those sections remain some of my favourites.”

Michelle W. Lentz, photo by Amy Lents

Did you self-edit the book or use an editor?

“I actually hired two editors! My first editor was a woman about my age who offered the benefit of a fresh look at my work. She helped me to organize the chapters and pull out the highlights of each chapter.

“Then I hired a young mother in her 30s who is part beginner wife, part seasoned wife. She is right in the throes of it all and she brought great insight into how my phrasing would be heard by women in their 30s. I wanted the benefit of both perspectives, and I think my book is definitely stronger because of it.”

Hey Beginner Wife cites 16 essential characteristics of a happy marriage. If you had to boil it down to two or three points, which are the most important?

“If you only read three chapters in my book, read ‘Dearest Friend’ which highlights the importance of maintaining a friendship with one another no matter what comes your way. At the end of career climbing and/or raising children, the goal is to sit across the table from each other and still see your best friend. Read ‘Honoring Your Husband’ and get a beautiful reminder that the two of you chose each other because you liked how you felt when you were together. This chapter rescues us from falling into the trap of treating our husband as if he were our prepubescent son instead of a grown, capable man.

“And finally, read ‘Believe the Best’ which highlights how our internal dialogue can either invest in our relationship and contribute to our happiness, or how our thoughts can quietly tear down what we believe to be true about our husband’s character and intentions toward us.”

What important advice would you give a first-time author?

“First, identify what you’d like to talk about and who your audience is. Then outline each point you’d like to make. Those points will become your chapters. Under each point write down the points you’d like to make, and the examples you’ll use. And then just start writing.”