Boney Fiend – ‘13 Beers’ [Album Review]

“Hello. We’re Boney Fiend. And we’re alcoholics.”

“Hello, Boney Fiend.”

Seriously though, they ain’t quitters. In fact, the three-piece Tampa-based brigade has been spewing straight legit hops-fueled punk rock for decades now. And proclaiming themselves proudly as “a drinking band with a rock ‘n’ roll problem,” it’s not likely they’ll be attending any AA meetings or participating in any “Step” programs anytime soon — a point proven further by the title of their spectacular new studio set, 13 Beers.

Benefitting from the qualified assistance of acclaimed engineer Brendon Paredes, the otherwise self-produced release was created at Studio 101 in Melbourne, Florida. The result is an authentic 12-track collection that resides stylistically smack dab at the intersection of Walk Among Us Avenue and Overkill Boulevard. But wait, there’s more! It’s available on vinyl ONLY — ’cuz, you know, streaming is for sissies. Whoa, hang on a sec; the slab’s cred is cemented even further by being pressed on a very unique color, one that perhaps can be described best as a peculiar cross between puke purple and bar whore gray. Magnificent, indeed!

The suds-soaked soiree kicks off with bassist Mikey Fiend providing lead vocals on the turbo-charged, Motörhead-inspired “Exit 13.” Guitarist Chuck Lazaras follows in short order, putting down lead vocals on another cute little skull crusher, “The Fall of the House of Usher.” For his part, drummer Johnny Fiend brings home the gold by packing non-stop pecker-poking punch from start to finish.

Rear cover artwork for the album ‘13 Beers’ by Boney Fiend

Along the way, (a smidge) of production polish is applied to the perfectly lo-fi affair with TB Monstrosity from Blitzkid, delivering guest lead vocals on a solid remake of the 1989 Ramones classic, “I Believe in Miracles” — one of the record’s two covers. While the other remake, the Supersuckers tune, “Born with a Tail,” zings with gobs of gusto, a nicer, happier Stryper cover would have left me feeling less guilty about tapping my toes.

Speaking of toe-tapping, if “My Own Private Hell” doesn’t prompt ya to jump in the pit, pronto — you’re probably flatlining. But there’s certainly no shame in said flatlining. As the band points out quite eloquently in “Die Tomorrow,” Everyone’s gonna die, oh yeah!

In sum, go ahead, belly up to the bar and order yourself 13 frosty cold ones. You can put it on the Boney Fiend tab. Trust me; they’ll be cool with it.

13 Beers Track Listing:

Side A:
1. Exit 13
2. The Fall of the House of Usher
3. Diggin’ Up a Date
4 Barnabas Undead
5. Die Tomorrow
6. I Believe in Miracles

Side B:
1. My Own Private Hell
2. Zombie’s Lament
3. 13 Beers
4. The Dead Will Walk the Earth
5. Drink for Evil
6. Born with a Tail

Run Time: 29:44
Release Date: January 6, 2023
Record Label: Ghoul Tone Records