Jay and Silent Bob’s Mall Brawl video game is a rock ‘em sock ‘em Double Dragon-type NES 8-bit classic Nintendo wango-tango chocked full of all the expected shenanigans from the fun-loving, dynamic duo. To check it out, you have to download the Steam app, but that opens a plethora of other games you can taste-test. While a bit hard to control on a laptop, if you get your ass kicked, Jay or Silent Bob, depending on who you selected from the get-go, will take over as the tag team of snootch to the nootch! That’s right bitches! This is an eternal, fist-fighting LOVE fest!
When in demo mode, which only includes Chapter One, our blood brothers are found entering the Mallrats “Truth or Date” scene with attempted derailment by mall security and other formalities. The cool thing about this is, like in real, dirty-pool street fighting, there are objects you can pick up such as push brooms and hockey sticks to smite offenders. Ice cream cones and turkey legs seem to give you a little bit of your mallrat life back, but in the end, it can still be a bit of a bitch conquering your way to find Boo Boo Kitty Fuck.
The NES two-player co-op action version of this is only available for preorder until official smoke purp day, but I believe this is a sign of good things to come. I’m into old-school video games and have never needed what the kids depend on today. Hell, I can run out in the street and punch somebody if that’s the quality and intensity you’re looking for.
This said, I still prefer to stick a quarter into a machine, sip on a whiskey I snuck into a 34 oz thirst buster at the local Kum ‘N’ Go, and hang out with my friends, battling into the night via arcade gameplay. So if you would like to donate to the fund and own a great part of gameplaying history, just go to the Mall Brawl website. “Fifteen bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand. If that money doesn’t show, then you owe me, owe me owe.”
Studio: Spoony Bard Productions
Release Date: April 20, 2020
Platforms: NES, Steam