Purely Provocative: Fuck The Facts Guitarist Topon Das Talks Arrests, Projectile Vomiting, Music Piracy and the Existence of God

The Ottawa, Ontario grindcore brutes known as Fuck the Facts formed in the late 90s thanks in large to guitarist Topon Das. In the decades since, Topon has lead this band around the globe and to the forefront of the Canadian, as well as global, grind scene. With success continuing to follow the acclaimed group, they released Amer, their latest offering of bludgeoning sounds, on June 18th, 2013 to high critical praise. Ever the approachable individual, we wanted to avoid a “standard” interview and instead whipped off some fucked up questions to Mr. Das. Check out what he said…

Most public situation you’ve projectile vomited?
Das: I’ve puked numerous times on tour; usually after passing my drinking limit. The last time that I can remember was in Spain after a pretty extreme night of drinking tequila. I puked on the street while we were walking to the place that we were going to crash at. I don’t actually remember it, but I was shown the pictures the next day.

Any arrests?
Das: Luckily no, but I have been stopped by the police many times just walking down the street. It seems that I always seem to fit the description of someone that they’re looking for.

Any near-death experiences?
Das: All the time, and not even just alcohol related. I can’t count how many times I’ve almost walked in front of a truck.

If you could choose, how would you die?
Das: Painlessly in my sleep with “Hulkster in Heaven” playing over some loudspeakers.

Has a fan ever really pissed you off? What happened?
Das: I tend to split a lot when I play, but I usually direct the spit straight up or anyway from anyone. If someone up front is being annoying I’ll subtly direct it towards him or her. I did this once at show in Detroit when we played with The Black Dahlia Murder in this huge venue and the kid was looking around to see where it was coming from. I also once kicked an annoying kid in the chest in Indiana once. I guess he thought it was part of the show because after the set he came up to me and told me it was awesome, but I just did it because he was acting like a fucking tool.

What’s one of the most fucked up things that’s happened to you as a musician?
Das: We once had a band threaten us after a show because the promoter didn’t pay them and they felt like we owed them money. I won’t get into all the crazy details, but it’s definitely the most fucked up thing that’s ever happened to us as a band.

If someone stole all your band’s gear, then you caught the dickwad and no one would ever know what happened next, what would you do to him?
Das: I would probably just kill them quick and get to the next show.

What scares the absolute shit out of you?
Das: Probably the idea of losing my hands. I don’t know if you’ve seen that Game of Thrones episode, but if you have, then you’ll know what I’m talking about. That scene gave me nightmares for a week.

Check out the song “L’Enclume et le Marteau”

You find someone’s wallet in the street. It contains a ton of cash and/or a winning lottery ticket inside and their ID. What do you do?
Das: I would do my best to find the person and give it back to them with all the money/ticket, and not expect anything in return. It’s what I would hope for if the same thing happened to me.

Have you ever been too wasted to play live? What happened?
Das: Never too that point, but back in 2001 I can remember a show that I could feel like I drank a bit too much. I promised myself then that I would never let that happen again. We put so much work into those 30 minutes we have on stage in front of an audience, I would never risk it with something as stupid as getting wasted before we play.

Your instrument/gear (drums, guitar, etc.) has a catastrophic failure on-stage and you have no back-up, what do you do?
Das: Well, I always have a back up for everything, but if I couldn’t play anymore, then I wouldn’t play. It actually happened once in Europe where I smashed my finger and I couldn’t play guitar for one show. I just triggered the sampler and watched the band. It was a really bizarre experience.

Name some of your biggest pet peeves. You know… the ones that make you want to wreck shit!
Das: Bands that drag their ass getting off stage after their set while another band is waiting to go on. People that don’t return their shopping cart. People that play with their phones when you’re hanging out with them.

If there were zero repercussions to you, what one thing would you do that’s illegal or morally wrong?
Das: Maybe rob a Walmart or something. I don’t know. I would never want to do something to harm others, but I couldn’t give a fuck about huge corporate businesses that are making themselves rich off the backs of minimum wage employees that can barely afford to feed their families.

Name someone you’d like to punch in his or her stupid face, and why.
Das: All Rockabilly musicians. Why? Have you ever seen Rockabilly?

If you weren’t a musician or totally in love with your job, you’d be…
Das: Hanging out, drinking beer and BBQing.

You kick everyone out of the band because you can replace them with any musician you want. Dead or alive, who do you recruit?
Das: Ken Owen on drums, Brent “Gurn” MacCarthy on guitar, Mick Karn on bass, and Mathias Lodmalm on vocals/guitar. I would love to write some tunes with these guys.

How often have you/do you pirate music? What about Movies and TV shows?
Das: Movies and shows, all the time and music was fairly often as well, but not really much anymore. I tend to buy the albums I like from the bands that I want to support.

What is your stance on the legalization of marijuana?
Das: I’ve done way more fucked up shit after drinking whiskey than I ever have after smoking pot. I definitely think pot should be legal.

Check out the album ‘Amer’

What would it take to prove to you that God exists?
Das: I do believe in “God”, I don’t give a shit, but I do think there’s something at the end of all this mess.

What’s your opinion on groupie culture?
Das: When you play in a grindcore band called Fuck The Facts it’s not something you’re often encountered with.

When was the last time you cried and why?
Das: At my dad’s funeral about 6 years ago.

Who is the biggest asshole you ever met and why?
Das: My stepfather was an ex-cop/ex-military. He was and still is the biggest piece of shit that I ever met. Luckily he’s dead now.

Describe your wildest drug experience.
Das: Misery Index stayed at our house; we did a bunch of mushrooms and went to the local Karaoke bar. We were up until the morning and ended up at the diner eating poutine still high on mushrooms, and the place was packed with people getting ready to go to work. Misery Index had a 8-hour drive to the next show. I luckily got to get some sleep.

What’s the creepiest thing a fan has ever done to you/creepiest encounter with a fan?
Das: I wouldn’t say creepy, but we’ve met people with Fuck The Facts tattoos and have had some people follow us around for a few tour dates travelling 6-8 hours just to see us play again. I would say this stuff is way more amazing than creepy.