You see a lot of things, living life on the road as a band in a van. Some things are awesome, some things are not. Some things are all too common and we roll our eyes at them condescendingly. Some things are grotesquely unusual and our eyeballs pop out of our skulls. That’s okay though, because everyone knows blind people make better musicians. On our current coast-to-coast of this vast and godforsaken land called Canada, these are the places we have been and the things we have seen.

Lennoxville, QC:
Awesome: A 72 pack of ice cold Budweisers backstage.
Not awesome: Locking the keys inside the car after the show.
Eye-roller: Fans of one band not being around to see the other bands.
Eye-popper: Entire drunken bachelorette party that paid to come in, took one look/listen, and then booked it out of there!

Trois-Rivieres, QC:
Awesome: A giant stage, people leaping off it into the mosh pit below, all the 5 bands and their fans giving each other love.
Not awesome: Hanging out at McDonald’s before the show watching super fat women eat ice cream, a cone in each hand.
Eye-roller: Misguided punk rock ethics. “Facebook’s not DIY man, it’s too easy!”
Eye-popper: Epic after party with hot tub and pool. Enough beds and mattresses to house 3 bands. Hosts who stayed up partying with us until breakfast time the next day, then cooked breakfast for us.

St. Eustache, QC:
Awesome: Partying at the Deathouse, underground Montreal punk venue from hell.
Not awesome: The show was in St. Eustache, we were partying in Montreal because the show got canceled.
Eye-roller: The bar shut down 2 weeks ago and no one was informed until the first band arrived to load in.
Eye-popper: The band that played at Deathouse. Porn People, or Porno Persons, or something. We saw the genitalia of every member of this band, except the singer, who was obscured by various articles of clothing the entire show. Then she begged the people watching from the loft upstairs to give her a golden shower.

St. Hyacinthe, QC:
Awesome: Comfortable and classy venue serving a variety of distinguished beers.
Not awesome: People drinking on the patio and coming into the bar to pee, but not paying the cover charge because technically they weren’t inside listening to the bands.
Eye-roller: Uncooperative management.
Eye-popper: The bar wouldn’t let us charge everyone that was on the patio, but were going to make us pay the sound guy $200 at the end of the night. Dave threatened to bust a beer bottle on the head of the next person who came inside to pee, and the manager threatened to call the cops. We left without playing.

Sorel-Tracy, QC:
Awesome: Raffle tickets for a free tattoo at the shop across the street.
Not awesome: One of the employees of the bar won.
Eye-roller: Drunk people who wouldn’t stop talking at the end of the night.
Eye-popper: Drunk people who wouldn’t stop rocking out and feeding the bands raw energy. Props to the Nailheads, who played the previous 3 shows with us, and completely outdid themselves here, and the Dead Peasants Revolt from Newfoundland.

Lavaltrie, QC:
Awesome: Playing in an old house converted into a community arts centre for children and old people.
Not awesome: Tacos was not in the van when it had to drive off the ferry, because he was too busy taking pictures of the scenery.
Eye-roller: A fan that came from England to see Kill Matilda got there only after we played.
Eye-popper: Opening for Die Mannequin, watching them perform, and witnessing Care Failure play the drums in the encore.

Moncton, NB:
Awesome: The number of people who showed up at the bar unexpectedly halfway through our set.
Not awesome: Running out of gas on the way there.
Eye-roller: Young hooligans snickering while walking past gay bar.
Eye-popper: Poutine pizza from Pirate Pizza before the show. Artery-clogging deliciousness.

Charlottetown, PEI:
Awesome: Being in a province most people haven’t thought about since learning basic Canadian geography in elementary school.
Not awesome: The Confederation Bridge joining mainland Canada to PEI is free, but only on the way in.
Eye-roller: Where the hell was Anne of Green Gables?
Eye-popper: Eating fries made from fresh potatoes that were probably dug up that morning across the road.

Fredericton, NB:
Awesome: In studio performance at CHSR 97.9 FM with Matt Nightingale.
Not awesome: Insanely echo-y acoustics in the venue meant we had to keep amp volumes really low.
Eye-roller: Tacos tried to make some sarcastic smartass remark, but it didn’t come across on-air, so now everyone thinks we’re Stephen Harper supporters.
Eye-popper: A mom brought her baby to the show and was chasing the kid around and dancing while the Nailheads played.

Halifax, NS:
Awesome: Tacos got to see a good friend who he hadn’t seen in 3 years, and who had recently won a fight against cancer.
Not awesome: The Hipster party at the place we were staying at that didn’t come out to our show.
Eye-roller: The bar needed to kick all the bands out by 11pm so the DJ could set up for the club night.
Eye-popper: How there was a “Buddy Dave”, “Creighton” & “Roberts” streets all in the same area.

Inverness, NS:
Awesome: The bar where we played was situated right beside the Atlantic Ocean.
Not awesome: With a name like The Hoff, we had anticipated a David Hasslehoff themed venue. Imagine our disappointment after driving all the way across the country to find out that it was not.
Eye-roller: It was McLobster season all over Nova Scotia, but the smell of the aftermath was mainly concentrated in the backseat.
Eye-popper: The locals enjoyed our music but thought it was too loud, so they all stood gawking at us from 50 feet away at the other end of the bar.

Montreal, QC:
Awesome: Saying goodbye to all our lovely friends from our past year in Montreal/
Not awesome: Dusty’s poor balance finally caught up to her when she crashed backwards into the bass amp, knocked it over, and unplugged everything mid-song.
Eye-roller: Experimental jazz punk band who were out of tune and didn’t care and totally sucked.
Eye-popper: Dusty made some excuse about the venue being too hot and got all our fans to take off their shirts and throw them into a pile on stage. Shirtless sexy sweaty moshpits are somewhat of a rarity, even at a Kill Matilda show.

Peterborough, ON:
Awesome: Potluck dinner at our fan’s house party before the show, hospitality suite upstairs after the show.
Not awesome: Original local band chickened out.
Eye-roller: Tacos got drunk, ate a tub of poutine, and passed out. Then he fell out of bed while laughing at something.
Eye-popper: The venue, The Spill, served Old Milwaukee tallboys in paper bags. They also had a drink called the Pabst-Smir, which was 4 ounces of Smirnoff Ice topped off with PBR.

Oshawa, ON:
Awesome: Rob from Alley Tat tattoos was at the show and was so impressed, he gave Dave a free tattoo the next morning. While hungover. It turned out great.
Not awesome: Shawn, the singer of Booze Cruise, all the way from Yellowknife, hurt his knee from a golfing incident and couldn’t walk. His performance was awesome; the injury, not so much.
Eye-roller: Bartender stood up for a gay guy out front of the venue and got knocked on his ass, resulting in a hard-core road-rash on his back.
Eye-popper: drunk girls flashing boobs and kissing us.

Cambridge, ON:
Awesome: Free drinks all night
Not awesome: Bar didn’t know we were playing until they read about it in feature article in local paper.
Eye-roller: Local bands? I think I heard of them from somewhere before… oh wait, they canceled.
Eye-popper: Sexy bartender’s outfit.

St. Catharines, ON:
Awesome: The promoter and bar owner were super excited to have us there. We had a colour ad in the concert listings of the local paper.
Not awesome: The guy who bought us two pitchers of beer while we were onstage got mugged later in the night.
Eye-roller: Bros and hos swarmed the road outside because the venue was on the clubbing street. September is mating season in college town.
Eye-popper: Tacos found a maggot on his sleeping bag when he woke up in the morning.

Toronto, ON:
Awesome: We played with 4 other bands and they were all amazingly tight. The calibre of bands gets pretty intense at the centre of the Canadian universe.
Not awesome: This really drunk and creepy guy sat at our merch table and pretended to slouch/pass out on our cash box. Clearly a thief.
Eye-roller: He later offered to help us load gear into the van. Someone who’d prey on a touring band should be put in the stocks!
Eye-popper: The venue was so stuffy and hot, Mykel took off his pants in the middle of the set.

And these are the things we have seen. Did we mention that all 4 of our band members wear glasses? What has 16 eyes and is going to rip your fucking face off? Kill Matilda. “Zombie Apocalypse Tour 2011” coming soon to someplace in Canada near you.

“Zombie Apocalypse Tour 2011” Dates:

10/03 – Lloydminster, SK – Phunkin Groove
10/06 – Grande Prairie, AB – Better Than Fred’s
10/07 – Grande Prairie, AB – Better Than Fred’s
10/08 – Prince George, BC – Third
10/11 – Vancouver, BC – Urban Rush TV performance
10/13 – Victoria, BC – The V Lounge
10/15 – Vancouver, BC – Media Club
10/21 – Drayton Valley, BC – DV8 Nightclub
10/22 – Drayton Valley, BC – DV8 Nightclub
10/23 – Regina, SK – Buffalo Lounge
10/27 – Calgary, AB – The Vicious Circle
10/28 – Edmonton, AB – DV8
10/29 – Kamloops, BC – Pogue Mahone

Check out the song: “Fault Lines”